🎙️Your Body Is Screaming Before You Even Say Hello

Let's get uncomfortable for a second: Your body might be sabotaging your speaker career before you even submit that CFP.

I learned this the hard way at my third tech conference. I'd finally landed a speaking slot (cue confetti), but during the speaker dinner the night before, I noticed something. While male speakers sprawled across chairs, leaned casually against walls, and somehow occupied twice their physical space, I was perched on the edge of my seat, arms crossed, taking up approximately the space of a laptop.

The conference organizer later told me she almost cut my talk short because I "seemed unsure" during the pre-event mixer. My body had told her I didn't belong—even though my resume screamed otherwise.

Here's the truth bomb: Tech spaces are already questioning whether women belong in technical conversations. We don't need our posture, handshake, and spatial awareness reinforcing that bias.

So let's fix it.

When you walk into any conference space—networking session, speaker green room, panel discussion—resist the urge to shrink.

Here's what to do instead:

The insider move: If you're early to a speaker panel, sit in the middle chair, even if you think you should defer. Middle position = leadership position in group dynamics.

Weak handshakes are killing your credibility. I'm not saying crush anyone's hand, but that limp-fish thing? It's got to go.

The formula:

Pro tip: If your hands get sweaty before big moments (hello, anxiety), keep them out of your pockets. The fabric makes them worse. Instead, hold a cold beverage or rest them on a cool surface for 30 seconds before key introductions.

This one feels weird at first, but it's a game-changer.

Standing with your feet together or crossed makes you look unsure and literally off-balance. Hip-width apart (think: shoulder-width) is the posture of someone who's planted, grounded, and not going anywhere.

Why this matters for speakers: When you're networking or answering questions after your talk, this stance unconsciously signals "I can handle whatever you throw at me." Feet together says "I might topple over if you challenge me."

Bonus points: If you're standing and talking, shift your weight forward slightly onto the balls of your feet. It sounds tiny, but it makes you look engaged rather than passive.

I know, I know—crossed arms feel safe. But they read as defensive, closed-off, or bored to everyone else in the room.

Try these instead:

Real talk: If you're in a long networking session and genuinely need a break, step outside or to the bathroom rather than standing in the room with closed-off body language. Five minutes of reset beats an hour of looking unapproachable.

This is the scariest one for many of us, but it's also the most powerful.

Breaking eye contact too quickly signals discomfort or dishonesty (even when you're neither). The magic number? Hold eye contact for one complete sentence before looking away naturally.

The trick: If direct eye contact feels too intense, look at the spot between someone's eyebrows or at the bridge of their nose. They can't tell the difference, and you won't feel as vulnerable.

For panels and talks: Rotate eye contact between different audience sections every 10-15 seconds. Don't just scan the room—actually land on someone, hold for a beat, then move on. This makes everyone feel included and makes you look like a pro.

All of this advice? It's not about faking confidence. It's about giving your internal confidence a fighting chance to show up externally.

Most women in tech are wildly competent but terrible at broadcasting it. We've been socialized to be smaller, quieter, and more accommodating—and those habits show up in how we stand, shake hands, and position ourselves in rooms.

Learning to say "I belong here" with your body isn't arrogant. It's correcting for a lifetime of being told to shrink.

So this week, pick ONE of these to practice. Just one. Get comfortable with it. Then add another.

Because the tech world needs your voice—and your voice needs a body that looks like it believes in itself.

Set three random alarms throughout the day. When they go off, freeze and notice: Are your shoulders hunched? Arms crossed? Weight shifted to one hip? Just notice—no judgment. Awareness is step one.

Stand in front of a mirror for two minutes practicing your "I belong here" stance: feet hip-width apart, shoulders back, arms uncrossed. Say your introduction out loud while holding eye contact with yourself. (Yes, it's weird. Do it anyway.)

Ask a friend or partner to shake hands with you five times. Practice web-to-web contact, two firm pumps, releasing first. Get feedback on pressure (you want firm, not bone-crushing).

Next time you enter any room—coffee shop, work meeting, grocery store—practice: walk at 80% speed, scan for 2 seconds, choose your position deliberately. Make it muscle memory.

Attend any networking event, work happy hour, or social gathering and implement ONE body language hack. Just one. Notice how people respond differently when you show up like you belong.

Record a 60-second video of yourself introducing yourself as if you're at a conference. Watch it with the sound OFF. What does your body language say? This is what others see before they hear you. Adjust accordingly.

🌞 Keep Shining,

Barkha